Fear Knot or Fear Not; The Gift of Choice

One of the greatest gifts we are given is the ability to choose our response to events, people and situations that instill fear in us. Although it takes practice to utilize this gift and doesn’t mean we don’t experience uncomfortable feelings. Still the opportunity is present for each of us. There is great freedom in being able to choose how we handle fearful news, situations or people.

Fear has the ability to freeze our brain. Literally. When in a state of fight or flight, we aren’t able to fully process things that are said, perceptions shared, potential threats, situations we enter. Instead of being able to make decisions, many times we simply react. It is really easy to notice other people reacting.

Our brain quickly sends out messages to our body: cortisol! Come quickly! We are in danger!!! Adrenaline - hurry! We have no time to waste. There is danger! Our nervous system is activated and tells our body to prepare for battle. We easily notice physical sensations like sweaty palms, shaking, fast heartbeat, a sense that we can’t catch our breath, tightness in our throat and muscles. Our eyes widen. Our digestive and urinary systems slow down. All to help protect us. It is absolutely fascinating to think how amazing our bodies actually are. This happens in an instant, without us having to DO anything.

So what does chronic (persisting for a long time or constantly recurring) fear do to a person? It can cause the muscles of our body to hurt so much there is the potential of things like fibromyalgia. Headaches can turn into more problematic migraines. The tension in our respiration and ability to breathe can potentially lead to asthma. Immune system dysfunction, endocrine system dysfunction, autonomic nervous system alterations, sleep/wake cycle disruption, eating disorders, or alterations in hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis are all potential effects of chronic fear, according to Neuroscience Education Institute.

It is impossible not to see, feel, hear or notice the intense amount of fear in our world right now. Heck, some might say they smell the fear.

The fact that fear has become a “normal” part of our lives in 2020 is out of our control.

Yes, there are many sides to take on why the fear and if it is necessary. Ask 20 people, get 20 different views. The reality is, fear is present in countless ways. Whether you are a parent or child, teacher or janitor, doctor or restaurant owner…fear has become the consistent visitor. I dare say that for some, it’s no longer even just a visitor but one of the family, system or organization.

But each of us gets to choose our response to fear.

Fear knot or fear not.

Above I listed some of the potential fear knots. There are plenty to talk about. They are rampant in the world. The knots of fear are putting a strangle hold on adults in a myriad of ways. But what I see and hear in kids is absolutely heartbreaking. Because THIS is what they believe normal is. And their bodies are quickly becoming prepared for battle. All. The. Time. Developing bodies that have so many things happening already, are undoubtedly being affected. Fear and anxiety are directly related.

So how do we enter into fear not? Well, it isn’t simply a flip of a switch. Many try ignoring the feeling. Some numb it. Others shut down. Too many try to busy themselves to avoid it. Some mask it with other feelings. None of us can say we just don’t have anything to fear in our life, of that I am sure.

Learning to be empowered to choose our response to fear vs simply react to it and let ‘nature take its course’ is an absolute necessity. Wouldn’t you agree? The ability to notice, name, claim and tame fear seems like a wonderful sequence of steps. Although we might not notice it is fear, because it appears to be ‘truth’ so we simply accept it. Or we can’t quite name it, because it has the resemblance to what we’ve typically called frustration, anger or nervousness. Way too often we don’t claim it, because it has become habit to simply blame it on others. And tame it? Many say they would rather run the other way or ignore it than try to tame that beast.

Hence fear has immense power in many people’s lives.

I believe the gift to choose how we respond is ours. It has been modeled for us in so many brave ways. For me, I’ve always been drawn to read about the Holocaust. And those who lived during or survived that time in history have inspired me to know my power to choose how I respond. There are so many examples but I chose this one because it’s an exchange between two teen siblings who were reunited in a ghetto (taken from Resistance by Jennifer Nielsen):

“Why do the Nazis feel they can commit such violence against us? How do they justify it?

I shrugged. “Because they believe we are less than humans. Like animals.”

“Exactly! They herd us into train cares like cattle, give our rabbis the work of oxen, feed us less than what is given to their dogs. And they kill us with no more regard than they give to slaughtering a farm animal. But there is something a human can do that an animal never can.”

“Create art.” I considered that for a moment. “So you sing because—”

“It’s proof of my humanity. It allows me, just for the length of that song, to remember who I really am, no matter what surrounds me.”

When I learn of the courage and bravery so many who lived during the Holocaust chose, it gives me strength to know what I am going through pales in comparison. If they can choose fear not during that atrocity, I can choose it with what I face.

My hope for anyone reading this now is that you realize the gift you have to choose not to stay caught in a fear knot but to choose to fear not. With faith, hope, courage and connection, this is possible for each of us.